Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Faith Verses Anxiety, My Journey

I have learned a great lesson on faith, this is a subject that has bothered me for years and I have prayed over it, over and over again, for God to give me the faith that I read about in the Bible, the faith of Jesus.
Just not too long ago it was brought to my mind that faith is trusting God in everything and that sounds simple enough but then I realized all of a sudden that God had given me the faith that I had asked for and I didn't even know it.  You might ask, how do you have faith and not know it?  I'm not sure I can answer that except to say that He gives us lots of gifts and perhaps we don't realize it until we are in desperate need of them and all of a sudden there it is.  That's what happened to me.  Here's my story.

About six or seven years ago, I was diagnosed with heart failure, the beginning of it and they found I had an aorta heart valve that was closing up on me and that is what was causing my heart failure.  Thats what the doctor told me.  So they planned to give me a new heart valve, then they found ulcers in my stomach that was causing bleeding and couldn't do the heart valve surgery until the bleeding stopped and the bleeding is caused by a hiatal hernia and the hernia is so bad and I am too old to be operated on.  So where does that leave me.  I was told by my last Cardiologist visit that the valve is critical and I may have a year or two at the most.  How would you feel about this diagnosis?  I was concerned at first, when I was first diagnosed with heart failure, my husband was still alive and my concern was for him and I didn't take it very good but I am still here and He is gone.  This last diagnosis that they can't do anything for me, as far as I know, didn't bother me.  I was wondering why, then it came to me that I had peace, the peace that passes all understanding according to the Bible, I realized that I had left everything, I mean everything in God's hand, my health, my children, my future, everything.  I go to bed at night not knowing if I will wake up in the morning and it doesn't bother me.  I am not worried, I feel great about whatever God decides to do with me.  That's when I discovered I had faith.  What a revelation!!  God had given me faith not only over my health but over all the anxieties that satan can throw upon us.  When I realized the peace that He had given me, I was overwhelmed with the love that He has bestowed upon me, that's when I realized what faith is and that I already had lots of faith, so much so, that all anxiety is gone and whatever is His will, I am content with it.  I cannot describe it but I know it is true because I have no worries at all.  Everything is in His hands and because I know He loves me, I trust Him to take care of me.  That's faith.

For my family, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I pray for you every day and sometimes more often.  When I am gone, I know God will take care of you in a very special way and Jesus will continue to intercede on your behalf in my place so I have nothing to worry about there, He will take care of you.  And to my friends and family, I hope that my life has been a witness to the power of God and you have been blessed by me in some little way.  Life is difficult and we all make mistakes and I have made so many but God has promised forgiveness and I know He has done that for me.  I rest in His care for me day by day and that is faith too.

Do you understand faith a little bit more from my journey?  It has been a great revelation to me and I hope it will strengthen you.  Grandma Joan

No comments:

Post a Comment